Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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