Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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