Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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