Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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