those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
