you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
