what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
