I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
