No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
