Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
