you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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