everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
