I accidentally had phone sex last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
