i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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