It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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