Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
