I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize