remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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