I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
