found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do vagina's smell?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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