I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
