I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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