Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize