I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
