Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
