Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your cock deserves a montage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
