actually, I'm a sock model
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
