My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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