Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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