That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
