Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
