If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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