Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
