last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
