I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
