Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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