She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
