that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
