My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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