I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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