girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
