when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
