just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
