Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
