I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
