I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
