even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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