We named our party play list daddy issues
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
