do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
