They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
