you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
