Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
