I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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