You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
