It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
