Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize