I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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