the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
