so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
