I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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