I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
