Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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