Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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