Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
