I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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