Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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