the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
