Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
