i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize