Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize