So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
