Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
