But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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