My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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