you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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