I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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