he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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