If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
