no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
