i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize