Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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