I heard we made out
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
