He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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