If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
