Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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