we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How's work?
Spinning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
