Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
