You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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