i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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