i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
