It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
