where am i from again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize