I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
