Already got asked if we're dating
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
