If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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