I've blown a few things in my day
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize