She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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