Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
