Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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