The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
