Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
