I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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