I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
