it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
