you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
