Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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