i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
