Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize