Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
