i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
