yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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