420 ftw
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
