Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
