Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
