they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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