I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
